And A Happy Angstgiving to you too
by oh CINEMATRAGEDY
Summary: Envy spends a rather...interesting Valentine's Day. Insane Elysia and Envy pairing.


Hey all!

WARNING:

Major OOCness and strangeness, (obviously I was half delusional when I wrote this) so read at your own risk!

Obviously, I don't own FMA or anything related to it…

Envy glared around him in disgust.

Everywhere, left, right, all around him, people were falling in love.

Couples walked by, hand in hand, smiling at each other. Oh how happy life was when you were in love!

It sickened him.

------

Envy sat in a tree, twitching uncontrollably. He was watching all those "lovesick fools" trip all over themselves, confessing. Girls, blushing madly, would give one of those _stupid_ little cards to their crushes, and the boys in return would stare at the ground, shuffling their feet and tell the girls they liked them back.

He gritted his teeth. The idea of killing people had long since lost its appeal, and there was nothing for him to do.

Lust had gone off to do…erm, well...lust-y things (it _was_ Valentines Day).

Wrath and Sloth had gone to buy some candy. The little boy asked Envy if he wanted to join them, but the older homunculus didn't really want to experience a sugar-high Wrath.

Gluttony was eating…no surprise there.

Greed was off being Greed—probably glomping some girl he'd just met. Ew.

And Pride was off celebrating the special day with his wife.

Which left our favorite palm tree looking constipated (probably because of his efforts to shut the pink-colored, sugary, love-filled world out).

How he hated Valentines Day.

------

"How I love Valentines Day! I love everything about it! The romance, the candy, and especially the wonderful effects it has on otherwise perfectly sensible people!" The cupid, Dante, was floating on her cloud, grinning down at the couples below her. She loved the power she had over them, making anyone she wanted fall in love. "Hmmm…what's this?" she wondered. A seemingly gender-confused palm tree was shaking excruciatingly pink confetti out of (she could only assume it was a male) his eyes. He was shaking his fist at the sky and yelling something about fathers, how he hated his life, fathers, how he was going to kill everyone, fathers, hating this "stupid holiday," fathers…. This wouldn't do at all, Dante thought, shaking her head. Not on this day of _love _and _happiness._ Cackling wildly she threw a rock at the homunculus' head and whizzed away, while he ran after.

This was going to be fun…

------

Envy came to a stop. Whatever it was had stopped pelting him with rocks, and he found himself surrounded by love struck, hormone-driven, _teenagers_. Everyone was with some other person. Girls with boys, boys with girls, girls with girls, boys with boys, you name it.

Far off in the distance, there was a lone figure sitting underneath a tree. His curiosity piqued, Envy went to check it out.

It was a girl. A sleeping girl.

Envy knelt down in front of her to get a closer look, giving Dante a clear view of his right buttock.

He leaned closer, wondering what the hell she was doing there—alone—when a lock of his hair sprang out and hit the girl on the nose. Simultaneously, she sneezed in his face and one of Dante's love arrows embedded itself into said buttock with a 'thwump!'

Groaning, the girl rubbed her nose, searching for a tissue. Opening her eyes, she yelped when her green eyes were met with violet ones. _Pretty colors…_ she thought to herself lazily, still a bit tired, when she noticed the person who had those "pretty eyes" was practically on TOP of her! So she did what any girl would have done in that situation: scream and kick. "GerrofmegetoffmeGETOFFMEAIEEEEE!!!"

She was really starting to become a royal pain in the ass—literally, for Envy's butt was really starting to throb painfully at that moment, and he really did not have to deal with some delusional human girl. So whipping out a knife, he pressed it to the squirming girl's throat. "Make one more sound, girl, and I'll—"

But what he was going to do, we shall never know, for at that moment the androgynous homunculus toppled over and passed out on poor Elysia Hughes.

------

"EHHH???!!!" Freaked out more than ever, Elysia scrambled out from underneath the strange boy who had fell on her.

_What am I going to do?! I can't just leave him here…even if he is a boar-headed pervert...but what am I going to tell mum? _

Groaning to herself, Elysia inched closer to the boy, trying to make up her mind. He was odd looking and strangely familiar. She could almost place those long dark green tendrils and amethyst eyes…

_Oh, God, what am I thinking? Well I guess I do have to take him home…_

And hitching the boy on her back (who was at least a foot taller than her), she began the journey home.

She knew what she must have looked like, carrying an unconscious boy on her back—who was wearing some kind of skirt. He definitely wasn't from around here.

But as it was Valentines Day, people could overlook that fact and mistake them as "cute."

------

Taking out the spare key from under the door mat, Elysia trudged up to her room and threw the strange boy on her bed.

Collapsing next to him, she lay trying to remember where she had seen him. Leaning over the boy, she looked down closely at his face, when suddenly his eyes shot open. "EEP!" Elysia squealed toppling over and hitting the floor. Unfortunately—or fortunately—the last think Envy saw was Elysia's face, and that thing alone was enough to send the world into chaos.

"What are you doing on the floor, chibi-san?" The boy peered over at her.

CHIBI-SAN?! First, this boy scares her out of her wits, then SHE has to skip last period to take him home, and now he was making fun of her HEIGHT?!

"Wha—why—you…you…" she sputtered out. Completely at a loss for words and fully aware of her face turning red, Elysia glared at him. "Don't call me that! And if you make one move, I-I'll call the military! I'm very good friends with them. Do you understand?"

"Yeah, whatever, chibi-san." The boy jumped down on her, grinning, as their faces got closer and closer…

Smacking him away, Elysia's attention was caught to his thigh, where there was a peculiar tattoo…"The Ouroborous mark," she muttered.

"What was that, little one?" The boy asked, a little too close for comfort, again.

"Get away from me!"

"Elysia, honey, what's going on up there?" Shit, her mum was home already? Elysia looked over at the clock, it was already half-past four.

"Okay, you need to go. Now." Elysia turned around to face the boy, but was instead faced with puckered lips.

"EW!! Bastard!" Grabbing the nearest thing she could find (which was unfortunately a very heavy "History of Alchemy" book), she started whacking him about the head.

"Elysia! What in the world is going on up there! I'm coming up."

Elysia stared around frantically, looking for a way to escape. Aha! A window.

"You have to get out! Out! OUT!" She cried pushing him towards the open window.

"What if I don't want to get out?" He asked leaning in towards her. Almost falling again, Elysia caught hold of her balance and contained herself from pushing him out herself.

"OUT!" she roared.

"Fine, but I'll be back for you Ely-chan!" Wiggling his fingers at her, he nimbly jumped out the window, laughing like a maniac.

------

Hours later, Elysia was still up doing her homework, the day's events almost forgotten.

"Elysia?" Gracia came in looking a bit confused, but smiling infectiously. "All of these came for you…" she gestured out towards the hallway.

"What?" Elysia walked out and froze. There, all over the hallway, were _flowers._ Not just any flowers either, but roses. _Red_ roses. And they were all for her. Opening the card on one of them she read:

Roses are red

Dirt is brown

Be my Valentine

Or else I will frown.

"Uhhh…another delivery for one Miss Elysia Hughes." In came the delivery boy, dragging in a huge white teddy bear holding a big red heart.

Roses are Red

Violets are Blue

And unless you want to end up like your father

Say you love me too.

This was getting ridiculous! Who would send her…oh no. That _homunculus_. He was going to get it. She was going to hunt that sin down, yes she was, and when she found him…

"E-Elysia," her mother sweat-dropped. "Please stop laughing like that, you're worrying me."

"Sorry mum!" Elysia sang flashing Gracia a smile. "It's a beautiful night out don't you agree? I think I'll be going out for a bit!" Laughing, she threw on her coat, grabbed a knife, and ran out into the night.

------

It was freezing. And very late. She's been scouring the streets for that homunculus for over two hours now. "Stupid freaking homunculus, with his freaking mood swings. I didn't eat any _freaking_ dinner, and I am **FREAKING** HUNGRY, AND I **FREAKING** WANT TO EAT, AND I AM **_FREAKING_** COLD!!"

"Need someone to warm you up?" came a soft voice from behind her.

------

Dante watched the whole scene with amusement. She loved messing with people like this, especially two people that hated each other. The homunculus was all set, all she needed was the girl, but she was proving to be quite difficult.

"YOU!" Elysia whirled around, taking her knife out. One could almost see the sparks flying out of her eyes.

"You're so cruel chibi-san. Wanting to stab me when I love you so."

Elysia had a hilarious mental image of the homunculus as a chibi and almost choked, laughing. "What?! You? A homunculus? Love? Ha! As if that were possible. And besides, if that were true, I wouldn't fall in love with you, or anyone else for that matter. I can't. "

"Can't fall in love? But…a life without love—that's terrible!"

"No, being on the streets, that's terrible."

"NO! Love is like _oxygen_." Envy had a gleam in his eyes that looked rather scary.

"_What?!_" Elysia stared at him with disbelief.

"Love is a many splendored thing, love, love lifts us up where we belong—all you need is love!"

What. The. Hell. "Please don't start that again—"

"All you need is love"

"A girl has got to eat!"

"All you need is love"

"She'll end up on the street"

"All you need is love"

"Love is just a game," Elysia said with finality, turning around to get away from this _psycho._

But it seemed that Envy had other plans…

"I was made for loving you baby  
You were made for loving me"

_He jumped in front of me! Fine! If that's the way he wants to play…_  
"The only way of loving me baby  
Is to pay a lovely fee"

_Hmph._

"Just one night  
Give me just one night"

"There's no way  
Cause you can't pay"

"In the name of love  
One night in the name of love"

"You crazy fool," she turned glaring at him.  
I won't give in to you"

"Don't leave me this way  
I can't survive without your sweet love  
Oh baby don't leave me this way"

Elysia cocked her head at him, while he was holding his hand out to her.

"You think that people would have enough of silly love songs"

"I look around me and I see it isn't so, oh no"

"Some people wanna fill the world with silly love songs"

"Well what's wrong with that  
I like to know  
Cause here I go again…

Love lifts us up where we belong…"

"Hey! Get down from there!" The fool had jumped on a building and was tipping off precariously!

"…Where the eagles fly  
On a mountain high"

"Love makes us act like we are fools  
Throw our lives away  
For one happy day"

_Yeah, just look at him._

"We can be heroes  
Just for one day."

"You, you will be mean."

Envy jumped down, almost looking offended. "No I won't."

"And I, I'll drink all the time."

"We should be lovers."

"We can't do that…"

"We should be lovers  
And that's a fact."

"No nothing would keep us together."

Dante glared down at the girl. She was spoiling her fun. On one hand she had Envy the homunculus who was _hilarious_, acting so uncharacteristically, confessing to a girl; But Elysia simply stared blankly down the street holding on limply to that knife. Dante "humphed" and brought her arrow back, taking aim once more, this time at Elysia.

"We could steal time."

"Thwump!" Dante's lips curled up into a smile as the arrow flew right into Elysia's heart.

At this the girl turned around and started singing together with Envy.

"Just for one day  
We can be heroes  
Forever and ever  
We can be heroes  
Forever and ever  
We can be heroes"

Envy stared down into Elysia's sea-foam green eyes. "Just because I, and I will always love you"

"I only can't help," she stared, having to tilt her head back.

"Loving You."

The clock started chiming midnight.

_One._

_Two.  
_  
"How wonderful life is now,"

Envy moved in closer.

_Six._

_Seven._

"You're in the…"

He could almost count all of Elysia's eyelashes…

_Ten._

Elysia stood on her tiptoes.

"World."

_Twelve._

12:01. It was now officially February 15. All the magic from the day before had evaporated leaving Elysia and Envy less than a hair's breadth from one another.

"Awww. So close." Shaking her head, Dante flew away.

Elysia and Envy sprang apart, looking bewildered.

"W-what the…? Where the hell am I? What am I doing?" The homunculus stared around, looking very much like a trapped animal.

Elysia scratched her head, stepping away warily from the very pissed-off looking palm tree in front of her.

And just like that, Envy jumped over the building he had, not even five minutes ago, been serenading Elysia on, and disappeared into the darkness.

Elysia sighed and walked glumly home. She would be in so much trouble.

And so, Envy went to sleep rubbing his right buttock; and Elysia, clutching her mysterious Valentines Day bear—both of them feeling strangely empty inside.

Yeah I guess it was kind of FMAMoulin Rouge…

ELYSIA IS NOT 4 YEARS OLD PEOPLE!! She was meant to be 16 here. I love Envy and Elysia pairings. Haha

R&R! Please! Flames will be welcomed, but mocked, as it is your fault you read this, and I _did _warn you. :P heh

Steph, see, I did use the word "bastard" in here once, just for you.

HAPPY ANTSGIVING!


End file.
